Recent studies suggest that just over half of both men and women seek intimacy outside of their committed relationships. The primary undercurrent that creates the climate for an affair is a lack of emotional intimacy and the resulting buildup of contempt.
Intimacy in a relationship does not run on "auto-pilot". John Gottman's research revealed that healthy couples daily update their knowledge of their partner's world. This includes touching base on subjects such as injuries and healings, triumphs and strivings, spirituality, philosophy of life, and the landscape of their partner's friendships, family members and social/sexual needs to name a few.
Immunity to affairs involves constant awareness, the cultivation of each other's life dreams, and the development of emotional intelligence. The good news is that couples can learn these skills even if they have struggled in the past. Couples who recover from affairs are the ones who engage this difficult, yet rewarding work.
Resonate Relationship Clinic exists in part to help couples practice and succeed in this type of work. Here are three resources that we believe are essential for couples to have on their nightstands that will aid them in developing and maintaining lifelong intimacy with each other. Of course there are others, but this is a great starting point.
"Hold Me Tight" -Sue Johnson
"Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" -Gottman
"The Relationship Cure" -Gottman